JULY 1998 | VOLUME 2, NUMBER 2
RECENT HUMOR |
UP NEXT |
Cram Now! -- Geography pop quiz
Please remember that this is just a joke and is not intended to be disrespectful,
demeaning or harmful in any way. Renaissance Online Magazine and all of its parts will not be held
responsible for any taken offense.
"Laugh and the world will laugh
LINKS OF THE MONTH
submitted by anonymous
Follow all of these instructions carefully for error-free floppies!!
(Pass on instructions to anyone who thinks a mouse is just a cute Disney animation and a floppy disk is some sort of back ailment)
- Never leave diskettes in the disk drive, as data can leak out of
the disk and corrode the inner mechanics of the drive. Diskettes should
be rolled up and stored in pencil holders.
- Diskettes should be cleaned and waxed once a week. Microscopic
metal particles can be removed by waving a powerful magnet over the
surface of the disk. Any stubborn metallic shavings can be removed
with scouring powder and soap. When waxing the diskettes, make sure the
surface is even. This will allow the diskette to spin faster, resulting
in better access time.
- Do not fold diskettes unless they do not fit into the drive. Big"
diskettes may be folded and used in "little" disk drives.
- Never insert a diskette into the drive upside down. The data can
fall off the surface of the disk and jam the intricate mechanics of the
- Diskettes cannot be backed up by running them through the xerox
machine. If your data is going to need to be backed up, simply insert
two diskettes into the drive. Whenever you update a document, the data
will be written on both diskettes.
- Diskettes should not be inserted or removed from the drive while
the red light is flashing. Doing so could result in smeared or possibly
unreadable text. Occasionally the red light remains flashing in what is
known as a "hung" or "hooked" state. If your system is "hooking" you
will probably need to insert a few coins before being allowed access to
- If your diskette is full and you need more storage space, remove
the disk from the drive and shake vigorously for 2 minutes. This will
pack the data enough (Data Compression) to allow for more storage. Be
sure to cover all the openings with scotch tape to prevent loss data.
- Access time can be greatly improved by cutting more holes in, the
diskette jacket. This will provide more simultaneous access points to
- Diskettes may be used as coasters for beverage glasses, provided
that they are properly waxed beforehand. Be sure to wipe the diskettes
dry before using.
(see item 2 above)
- Never use scissors and glue to manually edit documents. The data is
stored much too small for the naked eye, and you may end up with data
from some other document stuck in the middle of your document. Razor
blades and scotch tape may be used, however, provided the user is
equipped with an electron microscope.
- Periodically spray diskettes with insecticide to prevent system
bugs from spreading.