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DECEMBER 1999 | VOL. 3, NO. 12



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MARK FUSCO is the official Renaissance Online Magazine Top 10 Lister. For even more belly laughs, please visit Adventures of Peyote Coyote.




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Top Ten Signs You're Having a Bad Christmas

MARK FUSCO

10. You get stuck under the mistletoe with the man so appropriately nicknamed "Dog Breath"
9. Your son asks why the mall Santa smells like Uncle Billy on St. Patrick's Day
8. The many expensive Pokemon toys are quickly thrown into the toy box next to Tickle Me Elmo and Furby
7. There is a puddle in front of the Christmas tree, and your dog has a very satisfied look on his face
6. No Sega Dreamcast...just lots and lots of underwear
5. Good: Your neighbors give you a nice new wreath. Bad: You discover a big hole in your shrubs
4. You chip a tooth on a shell in Aunt Bessy's egg nog
3. Cousin Fred wasn't kidding when he said "If I see 'It's a Wonderful Life' one more time, I'll puke!"
2. Sleeping on the sun would be easier than sleeping in between your two neighbors competing for the neighborhood's brightest house
1. Two words: Melting Mastercard

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