Top Ten Signs You're Having a Bad Christmas
| 10. | You get stuck under the mistletoe with the man so appropriately nicknamed "Dog Breath" |
| 9. | Your son asks why the mall Santa smells like Uncle Billy on St. Patrick's Day |
| 8. | The many expensive Pokemon toys are quickly thrown into the toy box next to Tickle Me Elmo and Furby |
| 7. | There is a puddle in front of the Christmas tree, and your dog has a very satisfied look on his face |
| 6. | No Sega Dreamcast...just lots and lots of underwear |
| 5. | Good: Your neighbors give you a nice new wreath. Bad: You discover a big hole in your shrubs |
| 4. | You chip a tooth on a shell in Aunt Bessy's egg nog |
| 3. | Cousin Fred wasn't kidding when he said "If I see 'It's a Wonderful Life' one more time, I'll puke!" |
| 2. | Sleeping on the sun would be easier than sleeping in between your two neighbors competing for the neighborhood's brightest house |
| 1. | Two words: Melting Mastercard |
