Top Ten Signs You're Having a Bad Thanksgiving
| 10. | It takes you 3 days to pass the pop-up timer you accidentally swallowed |
| 9. | Uncle Wally gets really drunk and tries to "stuff" the turkey |
| 8. | Football is pre-empted by "Martha Stewart and Kathie Lee Gifford's Holiday Jamboree" |
| 7. | Aunt Mildred brings the 150 slides from her trip to the Kleenex factory |
| 6. | White meat...dark meat...green meat??? |
| 5. | You hear a faint "gobble" as the turkey is carved |
| 4. | TV's in the shop and Gramps has a hankerin' for some country line dancing! |
| 3. | Cousin Morty's pre-dinner Grace is ended with "...and may all these people at this table rot in Hell!" |
| 2. | Pumpkin pie is made from the rotted Jack-o-Lantern that's been sitting on your front porch since mid-October |
| 1. | Those ain't giblets! |
