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JANUARY 2000 | VOL. 4, NO. 1



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Gov. Jesse Ventura's Top Ten New Year's Resolutions

MARK FUSCO

10. Require all Minnesota postal employees to wear a hot pink boa as part of the standard uniform
9. Give all Minnesota Senators cool nicknames like Paul "The Piranha" Wellstone
8. New state mandate requires all children to view "Predator" and "Running Man" before they're admitted into Minnesota public schools
7. Abolish state Attorney General. All legal disputes will be settled in the "Squared Circle"
6. Change the state flower from the "pink and white lady's slipper" to the "black and gold wrestler's boot"
5. Televise his State of the State address on Pay-Per-View
4. Appoint Bobby "The Brain" Heenan as Lt. Governor
3. Institute the "Body Slam" clause into his Deadbeat Dads policy
2. Play his theme music whenever he attends any social event
1. Change the state motto to "Let's get ready to govern!"

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