Gov. Jesse Ventura's Top Ten New Year's Resolutions
| 10. | Require all Minnesota postal employees to wear a hot pink boa as part of the standard uniform |
| 9. | Give all Minnesota Senators cool nicknames like Paul "The Piranha" Wellstone |
| 8. | New state mandate requires all children to view "Predator" and "Running Man" before they're admitted into Minnesota public schools |
| 7. | Abolish state Attorney General. All legal disputes will be settled in the "Squared Circle" |
| 6. | Change the state flower from the "pink and white lady's slipper" to the "black and gold wrestler's boot" |
| 5. | Televise his State of the State address on Pay-Per-View |
| 4. | Appoint Bobby "The Brain" Heenan as Lt. Governor |
| 3. | Institute the "Body Slam" clause into his Deadbeat Dads policy |
| 2. | Play his theme music whenever he attends any social event |
| 1. | Change the state motto to "Let's get ready to govern!" |
