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APRIL 1999 | VOL. 3, NO. 4



Junior Deep Thoughts


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TONYA RAMAGOS, who graduated of the Institute of Children's Literature and International Correspondence Schools for Freelance Writers, is a contributing writer. She makes her home in Biloxi, MS.




Longing for Love


I will never forget the first time I saw him. Sandy blond hair, breathtaking body, and the most stumbling baby blue eyes I had ever seen. He was, without a doubt, perfection personified. I was standing at my locker one afternoon after school with my best friend, Kalley, when I heard someone yell, "Watch out!" On instinct I jumped, flinging myself against my locker just in time to avoid being smacked by a mound of books crashing to the floor.

"Are you all right? You didn't get hurt, did you?" The boy asked turning three shades of red. I stood completely speechless in front of him. The moment I looked into his sparkling blue eyes all train of thought was lost.

"I'm so sorry," he apologized, bending to gather the fallen books.

Kalley slapped my shoulder, jerking me back to reality. I gazed at her wide eyed and realized that was her way of telling me I should take advantage of the opportunity to meet this extraordinary gorgeous hunk. Taking the hint, I knelt down beside him to offer my assistance. We quickly collected the books and stacked them in a neat pile in his arms.

"Thank you very much," he sighed with relief, his face slowly regaining it's natural deep tan color. "My name is Brandon - Brandon Peters." He attempted to stick out his hand for me to shake but the tower of books began to wobble.

"Whoa," I laughed, reaching out to help him recapture the balance of the books. "Can I carry some of those for you?"

"No thank you. It would be totally against my nature," he insisted with a firm yet warm expression. "The guy is supposed to carry the lady's books."

"I don't think you can handle any more books at the moment," Kalley smirked, speaking for the first time.

"You're probably right," Brandon said with a heart-stopping grin. I couldn't help but notice the cute little dimples that appeared in his cheeks when he smiled. "My locker is right down the hall. If I can make it there without another freak accident I should be okay."

"Well, it was very nice to meet you," I said, flashing him a seductive smile.

"I'm sure I will see you around," Brandon replied, easily meeting my gaze before he turned and disappeared down the hall.

So that's how we met. An episode of coincidence and sheer chance of being in the right place at the right time. I'm still convinced it was fate but, unfortunately, Brandon hasn't realized it yet. It's been almost a year since that glorious day and, although Brandon and I miraculously became close after that, we are still not as close as I would like for us to be.

We are friends. We have a great time no matter what we do. We even go shopping together! How many guys can a girl get to do that? We can tell each other anything and that's sometimes the problem. Girls love Brandon. Of course, why wouldn't they? He treats every girl he meets like a queen. He's the perfect gentleman - the nicest, most lovable, caring person anyone could ever meet. He always shows concern for girl's feelings, constantly dishing out compliments and doing his best to make a girl feel good about herself. Brandon is not the typical high school male who would rather spend his time hanging out with the boys. Instead, his favorite past time is being with the girl he cares about - taking her to dinner, nice quiet picnics, walks on the beach under the stars - anything romantic. He makes girls feel special and for that he's the most special guy I've ever met.

Brandon often goes on dates with other girls. He has had two steady girlfriends since we met. He confides in me about his feelings for other girls and fills me in on every date and event of his relationships. I know he doesn't realize what he's doing to me. He looks at me as a best friend, a confidant and nothing more.

Many times I have wanted to tell him how I feel. I know I love him more than any girl he has dated or will ever date could. Kalley insists I'm driving myself insane and I think she's right. He's all I can think about, all I dream about, all I want. But what if I decided to be honest and instead of gaining a fantastic boyfriend I lose a loyal friend?

The thing that really blows my mind is how the girls he dates treat him. He's the type of guy every girl dreams of having and yet the girls he sees always manage to break his heart. For instance, a few weeks ago Melissa Bailey, the girl Brandon had been dating for months, broke up with him. The sweetheart dance was just a week away and she had decided she wanted to go with someone else.

Brandon had been devastated but determined not to miss the dance. My only solution was for me to accompany him to the dance. After all, how could I think of going with anyone else when he was the only guy I cared about? I saw the best opportunity of my life knocking on the door.

I spent hours getting ready for the date. I brushed my long blond hair until it shined and, although I seldom wear make-up, I applied just a touch of mauve colored blush and matching lipstick. When I looked in the mirror I had to admit I looked like the '90s version of Cinderella.

Brandon arrived to pick me up right on time. Wanting to make a grand entrance, I fiddled around in my room for a few minutes purposely making him wait before I joined him downstairs. As I descended the stairs I thought for sure I would knock his socks off.

Brandon whistled in appreciation causing my stomach to execute somersault after somersault in happiness. "You look spectacular!" He exclaimed in surprise.

As he slid a rose corsage on my wrist we looked at ourselves in the antique full-length mirror that hung at the end of the hall. Brandon looked absolutely astounding in his stunning white tuxedo with red tie and cummerbund and me in my white slim fitting dress with red hearts imprinted in the fabric and one-inch red heels. Surely he could see how we made the perfect couple.

Idle talk of school and events consumed the air of Brandon's Dodge ram on the way to the dance. Although the conversation was of no great importance, Brandon's actions made my heart flutter rapidly. I could see him through my peripheral vision gazing at me with a look of aspiration. He had never looked at me with such intense emotion before. Could he finally be seeing the real me? I wondered aimlessly. Watch out Brandon Peters because tonight I am going to steel your heart.

At the dance we were inseparable. We danced every song. Brandon tenderly embraced me so close during every slow song we danced to. It felt so wonderful to be in his arms, to feel his warm breath on my cheek as he rested his head are my shoulder. When he looked at me that night he gazed at me so warmly, so lovingly. I was positive he was beginning to sense my true feelings for him. The evening was turning into one of the most incredible and memorable nights of my life, but in one heart-shattering instant the world seemed to fall in on me. Not long before the dance ended Melissa showed up to ruin my night. Her date for the dance had stood her up so she came running back to Brandon. This was no surprise to me. I knew Melissa. She would do anything to get what she wanted and having just one guy wrapped around her finger wasn't it.

With her supposed heartfelt apologies, explanations, and her damsel in distress routine, she succeeded in luring Brandon back to her arms. To my dismay, without a second thought, he agreed to meet with her to talk things over after he dropped me off at my house.

As Brandon sped through the streets of town toward my house I wondered if he knew what he was getting himself into again. I wished with all my heart I could express my fears to him about Melissa but I decided it would not be wise. I knew he cared for her. I knew he didn't want to believe anything bad about her. As much as I hated to admit it, he was blinded by love. I was afraid if I voiced my suspicions about Melissa it would harm our friendship and, at that moment, my friendship with Brandon was all I had.

The walk to the door in which I had dreamed of a soft passionate kiss and a sweet good bye turned out to be only a kiss on the cheek and a thank you before Brandon hurried back to his truck. I stood inside my house and watched out of the window as he sped away. My eyes brimmed with tears as his truck disappeared down the street.

Brandon called meet that night after his meeting with Melissa. He sounded so happy and full of spirit. He and Melissa had gotten back together just as I had dreaded they would. He is so trusting and forgiving. As I listened to him on the phone that night telling me about Melissa's apologies, I could feel my body grow hot with anger. She didn't deserve him! I knew it was only a matter of time before she broke his heart again.

For a while after that evening things seemed to be going well for Brandon and Melissa. I was beginning to think I had been wrong about her but suddenly the inevitable happened. Last night, as I settled down on the couch to curl up with my favorite novel, I heard a soft knock at the door. I opened it to find Brandon standing before me. He looked terrible! His hair was a mess, his shirt was half untucked, and his usually sparkling blue eyes were dark, blood shot, and cloudy.

"What's the matter?" I gasped in horror. Without saying a word he walked passed me to the couch. "Talk to meet Brandon. What happened?" I repeated, slowly easing down to sit next to him on the sofa. My heart was pounding so loud I could hardly hear my own words. I knew Brandon wasn't the type of guy who felt he was too macho to let his emotions show but as long as I had known him I had never seen him in such disarray. It terrified me to see him that way. "She did it again," he whispered, burying his face in his hands. "How could I be stupid enough to fall for her tricks again?"

"Who?" I asked softly, although I already knew the answer. Melissa! She had broken his heart for a second time, probably because she had set her sights on another poor defenseless soul. If she had been anywhere near me at that moment I would have strangled her. How could she be so cruel and deceitful? Didn't she have any feelings at all? No, I answered myself silently. Obviously Melissa cares about no one but herself.

I still don't know why Melissa broke up with him again and I really don't care. When someone hurts the guy I love as bad as she has there is no excuse anyway. Brandon spent the evening crying on my shoulder, wondering if he would ever find the right girl for him.

I am still unable to tell Brandon how I feel. Last night I wanted to scream it at him. Every morning I wake up thinking this is going to be the day Brandon and I will get together and every night I go to bed disappointed and longing for the day it will happen. Kalley tells me I should just be satisfied to have Brandon for a friend but I still want more!

Brandon wants to be love so badly. I know he hates being alone. If only I could somehow make him see that dating other girls is only setting himself up for more heartbreaks when the one he should be with is right in front of his eyes. I made a vow to myself that if I live to be a hundred years old someday, somehow Brandon and I will be a couple but, for now, a glorious close knit friendship will have to suffice.

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