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APRIL 1998 | VOL. 1, NO. 4







Sign of the Times: The timeless art of proof-reading

Sign in a Laundromat:
"Auotmatic Washing Machines: Please Remove All Your Clothes When The Light Goes Out"

Sign In A Boston Department Store:
"Bargain Basement Upstairs"

In An Office:
"Would The Person Who Took The Step Ladder Yesterday Please Bring It Back Or Further Steps Will Be Taken"

Outside A Farm:
"Horse Manure Per Pre-Packed Bag Do-It-Yourself"

In An Office:
"After Tea Break Staff Should Empty The Teapot And Stand Upside Down On The Draining Board"

On A Church Door:
"This Is The Gate Of Heaven. Enter Ye All By This Door. (This Door Is Kept Locked Because Of The Draft. Please Use Side Door.)"

Outside A Secondhand Shop:
"We Exchange Anything - Bicycles, Washing Machines Etc. Why Not Bring Your Wife Along And Get A Wonderful Bargain?"

Sign Outside A New Town Hall Which Was To Be Opened By The Prince Of Wales:
"The Town Hall Is Closed Until Opening. It Will Remain Closed After Being Opened. Open Tomorrow."

Outside A Photographer's Studio:
"Out To Lunch: If Not Back By Five, Out For Dinner Also"

Seen At The Side Of A Sussex Road:
"Slow Cattle Crossing. No Overtaking For The Next 100 Yrs."

Outside A Disco:
"Smarts Is The Most Exclusive Disco In Town. Everyone Welcome"

Sign Warning Of Quicksand:
"Quicksand. Any Person Passing This Point Will Be Drowned. By Order Of The District Council."

Notice Sent To Residents Of A Whiltshire Parish:
"Due To Increasing Problems With Letter Louts And Vandals We Must Ask Anyone With Relatives Buried In The Graveyard To Do Their Best To Keep Them In Order"

Notice In A Dry Cleaner's Window:
"Anyone Leaving Their Garments Here For More Than 30 Days Will Be Disposed Of."

Sign On Motorway Garage:
"Please Do Not Smoke Near Our Petrol Pumps. Your Life May Not Be Worth Much But Our Petrol Is"

Notice In Health Food Shop Window:
"Closed Due To Illness"

Spotted In A Safari Park:
"Elephants Please Stay In Your Car"

Seen During A Conference:
"For Anyone Who Has Children And Doesn't Know It, There Is A Day Care On The First Floor"

Notice In A Field:
"The Farmer Allows Walkers To Cross The Field For Free, But The Bull Charges"

Message On A Leaflet:
"If You Cannot Read, This Leaflet Will Tell You How To Get Lessons"

Sign On A Repair Shop Door:
"We Can Repair Anything. (Please Knock Hard On The Door - The Bell Doesn't Work)"

Sign At Norfolk Farm Gate:
"Beware! I Shoot Every Tenth Trespasser And The Ninth One Has Just Left"

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