Sign in a Laundromat:
"Auotmatic Washing Machines: Please Remove All
Your Clothes When The Light Goes Out"
Sign In A Boston Department Store:
"Bargain Basement Upstairs"
In An Office:
"Would The Person Who Took The Step Ladder Yesterday
Please Bring It Back Or Further Steps Will Be Taken"
Outside A Farm:
"Horse Manure Per Pre-Packed Bag Do-It-Yourself"
In An Office:
"After Tea Break Staff Should Empty The Teapot And Stand
Upside Down On The Draining Board"
On A Church Door:
"This Is The Gate Of Heaven. Enter Ye All By This
Door. (This Door Is Kept Locked Because Of The Draft. Please Use Side
Door.)"
Outside A Secondhand Shop:
"We Exchange Anything - Bicycles, Washing
Machines Etc. Why Not Bring Your Wife Along And Get A Wonderful
Bargain?"
Sign Outside A New Town Hall Which Was To Be Opened By The Prince Of
Wales:
"The Town Hall Is Closed Until Opening. It Will Remain Closed
After Being Opened. Open Tomorrow."
Outside A Photographer's Studio:
"Out To Lunch: If Not Back By
Five, Out For Dinner Also"
Seen At The Side Of A Sussex Road:
"Slow Cattle Crossing. No
Overtaking For The Next 100 Yrs."
Outside A Disco:
"Smarts Is The Most Exclusive Disco In Town. Everyone
Welcome"
Sign Warning Of Quicksand:
"Quicksand. Any Person Passing This Point
Will Be Drowned. By Order Of The District Council."
Notice Sent To Residents Of A Whiltshire Parish:
"Due To Increasing
Problems With Letter Louts And Vandals We Must Ask Anyone With
Relatives Buried In The Graveyard To Do Their Best To Keep Them In
Order"
Notice In A Dry Cleaner's Window:
"Anyone Leaving Their Garments Here
For More Than 30 Days Will Be Disposed Of."
Sign On Motorway Garage:
"Please Do Not Smoke Near Our Petrol
Pumps. Your Life May Not Be Worth Much But Our Petrol Is"
Notice In Health Food Shop Window:
"Closed Due To Illness"
Spotted In A Safari Park:
"Elephants Please Stay In Your Car"
Seen During A Conference:
"For Anyone Who Has Children And Doesn't
Know It, There Is A Day Care On The First Floor"
Notice In A Field:
"The Farmer Allows Walkers To Cross The Field For
Free, But The Bull Charges"
Message On A Leaflet:
"If You Cannot Read, This Leaflet Will Tell You
How To Get Lessons"
Sign On A Repair Shop Door:
"We Can Repair Anything. (Please Knock Hard
On The Door - The Bell Doesn't Work)"
Sign At Norfolk Farm Gate:
"Beware! I Shoot Every Tenth Trespasser And
The Ninth One Has Just Left"
